disintegrate

rate

it's been 3 days since i last blogged... sighs. alortsa things happen. i dunno if it's still like the past.. comforting words are neither seen nor heard. except from maybe 1 or 2.. this is wad happened...

26 December
went to church as usual. wanted to meet dear early in the morning. as he had a performance for TKD. so i was pretty prepared until he missed called mi to call him bak. so he said his instructor ask him to be there early to help out. yeps. i was lyk ok.. fine. den i shall meet him in the afternoon. and so i did. den while i was there. he asked mi to go to the room. inside alortsa ppl i am not firmiliar with. so being myself. i didnt wanna go in. so i stayed out. dear went in and out and all. so he said he hafta do something. so i went down and all. i sat there. playing monopoly on my phone. so i saw him looking ard looking for mi. perhaps my area alortsa ppl seating down. tats y he couldnt see mi. den i saw him and those girls there lyk talk until woahs. close~ so i was lyk nvm lorhs. den his momma called. den i went home with her and his papa. den i was at his hse. waiting for him to come home. den we went out. to esplanade there. den cos he has to go to his frd's bdae party but he didnt wan to so made a lie tat he is still at the performance. yea. den erms. saw a message.. his god sis. they were realli realli close. i duno. but perhaps i'm being too jealous and all. i went away. it read tat if she had to leave some food for him. ok.. so i duno if he's meeting her after tat and all. cos he does things sometyms without mi knowing. so i was lyk fine. so i sat there so quiet. he said she sent to the wrong person. ok. i was trying to swallow the fact and all. den he kept shouting and shouting after talking nicely to mi while i was still trying to swallow. den we're lyk strangers. he didnt talk to mi while going home and all. i was so cold and sneezing away. he did nothing. when my bus was here. he asked mi to call him when i got home. i didnt reply. i went and sit on the stone chair instead. my bus came. i refuse to go home. he grab mi. it was lyk sooo pain. den fine. i went to the bus. sms-ed and everything. wanted to brk up. so i ask him hu he treat mi as. he says gf. ok den. so i tot it was ok. so it leads to the next day.

27 December
he didnt sms mi and everything. i told him i finishing at 2. he didnt reply. i asked if he was angry. he didnt reply. so i missed call him. he missed call mi back and ask y or something.. den i reply and all. while i was walking out of sch. he sms and ask if we should continue.. i said yes.. he said he didnt wan to.. all the way... i kept saying please and begged him.. i duno y i did tat. i felt lyk a bitch.. trying to hold on to him lyk si chan lan da.. yea. i called him when i reach home. was crying and crying lyk shit. den my eyes was lyk so pain.. so i went to slp. he sms mi. den i woke up. i was thinking to not bother him anymore and should initiate the brk up. and everything was ok. he said he wanna take back all the things he said.. i was veri shocked. i cried yet once again. i told him the impact of wad he said is veri strong. i dunno wad to do.. but everything was back to normal. i was glad for anithing.

28 december
met dear. sighs. alortsa things i wanna tell him. but i couldnt. i duno how to tell him.. sighs. den he went and find job. den she sms again. tell him how du lan she wa.s i duno wad it was larhs. jus lyk kor.. i very du lan. i was veri lyk so jealous. yet again. everytime i meet him den she will sure sms. normal days wouldnt it be the same? he said it was nothing.. haiz. i realli feel lyk taking his phone and reply something to her u knoe.. but i couldnt.. sighs.. i cried on the way home. sighs. he wun read my blog i guess. so the more he wouldnt knoe. altho i want him to knoe.. sighs. he going for interview todae. so if they ask if when he can do his work. he will say he can start todae. sighs. i veri worried tat it would be the last day i would see him yesterday. work is more important.. i cannot say anithing.. even if he works 6 days.. he would be too tired to meet mi tat one day.. sighs..

i dun wanna cry animore..

This is to remind us of the bfs/gfs/wives/hubbies that we sometimes take for granted. Enjoy! :)
My husband was an engineer. Since I met him, he was always an unflappable rock in my life. I knew he always had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and it seemed that no matter what else went crazy, he would be the one constant.

Three years of romance, and two years of marriage later, I got tired. He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage.

After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him. He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze... what kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay?

After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?" "I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly. "If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff and you knew that getting it for me means certain death, would you get it for me?" His face grew troubled.

Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked. Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died. I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me an answer straight away. The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In the living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I read it...

Dear, I have my answer. I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death. But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons.... You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the whole day, but every time you will end up in tears cause your formatting will always go all over the place... I need my fingers to do the formatting for you, so your tears will become smiles. You like to travel, but would always get lost... I need my eyes, so that I can bring you to the nicest places on earth. Every time you leave the house, you would always forget your keys... I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you. You never knew how to take care of yourself... I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to trim your nails, to feed you. So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you. If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favourite muffin."

With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he stood, with an extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say, but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand in front of me. And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another man who will ever love me as much as he does.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have.

This story is very special to me not in the sense that it is touching.. but it is send to me by someone who used to love me.

I never did learnt what it is trying to say till now.. so now I would like to share it with you.

i'll nvr take him for granted. give me time. ((:

met dear yesterday. yea. i found out he lied to me. yet again. i duno y. am i so easily cheated? so is it tat u dun wanna promise to mi is bcos u would brk the promise? in another way.. it means. u would lie to mi again? this few days u kept saying i dun wan u. so is it true tat u dun wan mi tat u make an excuse as i dun wan u? i knoe u wun read my blog. the more u wun answer my questions. u always change topics. i couldnt get something said properly. u wouldnt do things for mi. u said u werent a good bf. cant u make urself good? i had enough.

haha. i duno y i am so happy. yea! hahahahaha. i love my dear! hahahaha.

hmms. yesterday night had a talk with him. yea. haha. first tym i nvr cry. hahahahaha. i'm so proud of myself. hahahaha. yea. erms. i told him alortsa stuffs. exchanged views and all. yea. haha. i so happy when he told mi meeting tml. but i scared he last minute cancel. haha. i shall stay positive. hahahaha. ((:

hmms. jus now suppose to go for confession in church. it's lyk telling ur sins and being forgived. yea. stuffs lyk tat. but apparently had buffet in st. Jospeh inst. yeaps. for one function lorhs. actualli i no nid go. but jus tat got space. i mean extra seats. den i go lorhs. haha. so nvr go confession. forgive mi god. ((: yeaps. den hors. HAHA. the aunty sally keep saying i pretty and i slim liaos. MUAHAHAHA. i am so happy! haha. infact, i was lyk FLYING high. haha. den she say my sister. say she fat le. i dun think she happy abt it oso lorhs. can see tat she abit buay ke yan. yeps. dens we had to go to funeral for prayer. it was kinda last minute lohs. yeaps. den aunty sally talked about dead ppl stuffs. and souls and all. she said tat there is a sickness now tat is lyk u see souls. it's not something wrong or hallucination and all. but a sickness lorhs. yeps. and she say doctors are finding cure and causes. yea. she say NUH alort. she also say tat todae got one doctor heal u. but when u wanna find the doctor the next day, its gone. yeps. she did strengthened mi alort in religion stuffs. haha. she and my mom talked abt their dead child. yea. i had an elder sis dead. and she had a miscarriage. so they exchanged views and all. yeps. i find it meaningful lorhs. and she say mus pray. i did. haha. ((: i mean every night b4 i sleep. yeps. and next yr is confirmation le. means i am confirmed a catholic. yea! so happy~ ((: but i duno hu would be my god parents. cos i had a god momma. she every year buy things for mi mahs. so its not good to lyk actually forget her and all. but aunty sally say dun think lyk tat and stuff. maybe i'm finding her to be my god momma. haha. and she say tat mi and my elder sister find bf have couple face. haha. yea. my momma say tat my dead sis's god pa dreamt of her. and aunty sally said hu she looks lyk. den aunty sally say look lyk mi den good. veri pretty. lyk Korean girl. i was lyk DOTS. haha. aniwae, enough abt my flattering stuff. haha.

todae CO onli until 12. cos bunny sick. i hope he is feeling better yeaps. and he veri wad one lorhs. i set up my gu zhen liao den ask mi wanna go bak zhongruan. sighs. he so extra. he might as well finish den ask mi. nonsense! but i realli wanna go there. but emily not there. den i go there lyk extra onli. yeaps. sighs... i will try to go there next week. YEA!

dear arhs. i duno u reading this or nort. there's 3 way out actually. which is lyk:
1) u go ITC den u get good results den u go poly
2) u take part time poly
3) if u cant get into poly after itc, u go take night class.

i duno which one is good for u. but u think u can cope with 1 den u go ahead ok. i wun force u. its ur own future yeaps. yesterday's talk was erm. can say i told u everything. so... can i take something off my wishlist?

yeps. everything is fine i guess. i apologised and all. yeps. i stilll do feel weird. but i jus made do with it lorhs.

i wanna add song to my blog. but duno wad song. cos it doesnt suit my skin at all u see. haha.

my hand still hurts. OUCH. hais. so pain. i dun wanna play tml. sighs.

haha. jus now chat with joel. not sch de. haha. he say i beautiful liaos. hahaha. den say too bad i attached. hahahaha. and he is younger than mi. haha. so paiseh. hahahaha.

hahaha. i forgot wad to type liao. haha. haha. bye!

candice, please wake mi up tml at 7am and erm. dun forget the notebook.

yea. back le. haha. yesterday was alright. haha. luckily they no gu zhen. or else i will die. haha. i heard the gu zhen guy grade 8. LOLs. budden they say their dizhi oso grade 8. i think is fake de lorhs. i shall ask my tcher when she comes back to prove they r bullshitting. but of cos they r stronger. they haf more ppl present tat day yea. LOLs. they haf alortsa songs. and i saw the photos of instructors. my cousin teach in their school. LOLs. cool yea. haha. if onli my cousin teach in my sch. haha. maybe its both a bad and good thing. haha. yesterday took the gu zhen until now my hand veri pain. my fngers there the muscle ache. sighs. pain~ yesterday was worse. todae better alort le. haha. ((: and hor. i mus tell u all something. esp those in CO reading this. this Jason who plays the zhonghu sucks! he is not helpful at all. he is darn damn freaking lazy. yea. tats all i hafta say. HAHAHAHA

hmms. i tot abt it. aint gonna care so much le lorhs. since we cant go bak to the past [i suppose], i shall make do with now. he finds no problem at all. so, maybe he changed and he finds everything ok. if its lyk tat, ok den. suits him. the one whos gonna hurt more is not him aniwae.

christmas is nearrr. i haf onli 1 prezzie so far. how pathetic can i get. yea.

causeway point open one new billabong shop. woahs. i wanna buy the pencil case and the bag. yea!!! total cost $80. but got 2 ten cent change. hahahahaha. ((:

aniwae, gotta go now. maybe going out myself todae.

yea. before gogin to sch. i think i post first. haha. incase i die and haf no mood to type later at the exchange. hahaha. am quite prepared tho. i hope the ppl there has same standard as us altho it seems lyk so impossible. haha. yea. wish mi luck. haha.

sms dear to give mi a brk. i knoe it's irresponsible of mi. but i cant take it animoreeeee. all the loneliness. i mean, sighs. if i were to actually to accomodate him and say nothing, i'd be doing more hurt to mi. but in the end i said it's ok. i'd rather sacrifice myself rather than to see him upset. i realli feel lyk going out after i come bak from the exchange. i wanna go somewhere quiet. sighs. i dun think he would come by my void eck at ard 6 jus to bring mi else where. he's complaining too late. yea. i shud haf known. it's not i not happy with u. i am. but it doesnt seem the same animore. u knoe. dun say i dun trust u and all tat. it's jus tat its abit different. maybe all abt mi yea. i'm the one doing all the bad and stuff. sighs. aint gonna be bothered by this. aint gonna affect my mood. see how. maybe later go out myself. and he will nvr knoe. cos he might be dating someone else. which maybe is good. maybe i am a hindrance to him. sighs...

hmmz. actually wanna practice gu zhen in the morn. but forget it. by the time i practice and pack, i'm gonna be late. yeps.

damn flu. i hope i dun suddenly jus sneeze later on. i'd be so embarrassed. sighs.

i nid u to be wib mi. i nid u to hold my hands. would i be holding u until my very last breathe. or should i let u go cos we're never meant to be?

i'm going so mad. erms. ya. yesterday dear brought mi the xmas gift. veri nice... the piglet at the timezone there. yea. erms. todae.. sighs. so mani probs lately. i think i deserv it. sighs.

tml is the exchange le. sighs. so scared. later gonna practice my guzhen. hehe. i wanna thank emily and audrey for flooding my tagboard. love them heaps.

yea. sighs. so mani things happened. he said tat i dun trust him at all. i mean... i duno how to trust u alreadi. wad haf u done to make mi trust u again. sighs. yea. erms. i think the onli promise u fulfilled is the piglet. which i realli treasure it alort. yesterday suddenly i stop and was thinking abt mani things.. all the things tat happened. i apologised for scolding u fuck u jus now. but i was realli veri angry. lyk when i told u abt my sis. den u lyk abit despise her. u knoe how i feel? she is also my sister. the more weird she is, the more i mus accept her. not to throw her aside. its been a realli realli long time since we actually talked. i sms u this yesterday. and no reply. u seem to totally not care. sighs. maybe i am sensitive ba. haiz. i knoe i cant solely blame u and everything. i knoe i shouldnt haf brought the matter of the sms up. but u knoe. it realli hurts mi u knoe. lyk i see u dun even talk to mi online or phone or sometimes dun even reply my sms. and u sms her. and u said i also sms my god bro. so r u trying to dig up all the bad things right. so u mean i also can go out with other guys without ur acknowledgement? u say i dun trust u at all and it doesnt seems lyk last time. so, u also knoe tat it isnt lyk last time ya... sighs. fine. i think i shouldnt care so much le lorhs. i should jus mind my own business. i shant expect mani things from u okaes.

shrugs.......................... break mi away from here............................. sighs.
hate this
hate this
hate this
hate this!

where are my past post?

i suck.

i am a bitch.

i am a looser.

i think i am right all the time.

back liao le. todae nothing much. planed to do hmwk actually. but didnt. was veri lazy. yea. i haf english chinese e-maths accounts physics geog and social studies left. so much to do. i think i hafta plan now.

played sims 2 jus now. rather cool. lols.

relationship sucks. ((: i duno lehs. jus tat... she oso not home for ur birthday. den y mus u be home for hers? u come mit mi for awhile den go off. oh ya. u think i lyk it arhs. ya u say better than nvr mit. i knoe. but awhile den go off le. i rather not mit. even though i want to. i rather not meet u than to meet u for awhile. and i sense ur game is more and more important. next tym u dun bother to call mi liao larhs. its not i dun wanna answer ur phone last night. but oso talk awhile den hang liao. y mus i answer. answer liao i oso nothing to tok to u. answer for wad. i jus tell u abt her phone and u show mi tat kinda attitude. as much as u dun wan mi to tok abt ur sis, mi, too, dun wan u to tok abt my sis. i knoe she is abit weird. doesnt mean she duno how to behave. i duno wad to tell u le lah. i haf tooooo mani things to tell u. not meeting u tml or Sat. i oso knoe u dun wish to see mi la. ur 200 day gift u wan u take. dun wan dun take. u take liao throw away oso can. pour away oso can. give other ppl oso can. i dun bother. y shud i bother so much. i bother so much in the end i hurt. not i heck care u. i duno how to care abt u. u tok abt ur camp stuff. how am i suppose to react to u? i tok, u dun listen sometyms. mus i listen to u wholeheartedly then? arghs. i duno. i wanna vent my anger. u can save ur money on my xmas gift and the 200 day. it's not important at all larhs. got or not oso the same. i might as well not wan it. things seem totally diff from last tym. tat is wad i can tell u. even though u trying to be nice, i oso duno wad to do with u. so wad u sms mi i love u. so wad if u say i love u to mi. i oso can go say tat to any other ppl wad. any other ppl oso can tell mi wad. do u mean wad u say or not. everytym tok. u tell mi tok how long. tok abt wad. how mani times it's silent. not tat i dun wanna tok u knoe. i duno if u listening to wad i say or not. even if i say u os aiyaa this aiyaa tat. wads the diff with telling and not telling u. come online. i sacrificed my bloody game thinking u'd talk to mi. and u didnt. instead u were playing ur own game. den todae i told u i playing game. wad was ur bloody reaction? u know how mani donkey days i nvr play oreadi? i knoe u can play the com for onli awhile. since lyk tat, u go do wad u lyk ok. u happy liao den call mi.

yea! i'm bak. todae went out with both my sista to buy gifts for dear's 200 day and emily and candice. can delete something off my wishilist le.

hmms. came bak tat tym my momma on the phone with my grandma. yea. something happened. not elaborating.

called all the relatives in for xmas party. yea~ party is in the house. ((:

hmms. Emily is recovering well. good for her. haha. ((: yeps.

i duno wad to type liao. tell mi wad to type.. haha.. audrey, must come here tag everyday ok. or else my board sure board. others hu is reading, do tag too. especially to the toot toot darling of mine.

yea. back. i feel lyk crying. i duno y. hais. it's not a matter of waiting. it's lyk... hais. nvm. u wun understand wad i mean. hais. i dun think we would haf time for each other next yr. we wud be so busy with our own things. haiz. nvm larhs. and i didnt speak it from my heart. i was making myself feel better. i knoe it would be a few days later u see this post cos u jus read it onli. nvm larhs. haiz. forget it.

cry cry cry.

oh yea baby. i'm back here to blog. yepss. hmms. nothing much lately. todae CO still ok lorhs. but quite lyk mani mistakes. and the music exchange is drawing near. i veri scared. Jingsi not going somemore.. sighs. and hors. it's saturday. den cant go out. but it'll be very late. how i wish dear will wait for mi under my block. arhs... so sweet!!! can it come true? lols. wrapped the present for my cousin and all. sighs... >_<>_<

You Are An Understanding Girlfriend!

You care about your guy, so much that you tend to put him first

And while this makes your relationship smooth, sometimes you let big things slide

Still be your understanding self, but if something really bothers you - let your guy know

He'll still want you, even if you occasionally disagree

What Kind Of Girlfriend Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*ahem.. understanding mi.

You Are a White Cotton Bra!

Practical, comfortable, and classic
You want your man to feel relaxed and himself with you
Your perfect guy is low maintenance and adaptable
And he makes you feel comfy and cozy too!

What Kind of Bra Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

*haha. this si rather stupid.

woo. in the end i went out. hehe. Emily had tickets to jolin's J1 concert. yea!!! actually, i am not mad over her. yea. her concert is wad i cor normal onli lorhs. not veri special. nobody wanna comply to her i guess. lyk she ask ppl sing. i think onli downstairs those ppl sing. stand oso they stand. scream oso they scream. the block we were seated at is so damn quiet. bcos they were all middle aged uncles and aunties. there's karaoke session oso. her old songs. rather nice yea. haha. first tym i attend this kinda concert. quite an experience. we went home b4 it stop. cos it'd be very late and there would be no transport back. den when at Bishan, Emily's mom offered to send mi home too. i didnt wan. abit paiseh oso lorhs. so dear called, he tok to mi until i reach home. cos incase something happen, he will cor home. haha. so, nothing bad will happen. hehes. anyway, something stupid happened. so paiseh for mi to say out. haha. actually took bus 11 bak to bus terminal. i saw the bus stop le. den the uncle lyk going straight. so i scared. i faster press bell. hahahha! u knoe wad? the stupid bus went in the terminal. omg. so embarrass. i think no one knew. haha. it had better be no one except for mi and emily. or else, SO PAISEH OK! yea. Emily's secret known. maybe it's not a secret among mani. but yea. not elaborating. ((:

hmm. maybe i said something sensitive to dear? yea. den cry again. cried for more than half an hour. he hang up le i cry even worser. den went to bed still crying. i think cry for an hr ba. den cry to slp. yea. it was rather horrifying. didnt see myself cry this long b4. i couldnt cry aloud. cos everyone were slping oreadi. it's 12+ i kept sniffing and sniffing. very hard. thinking abt everything. yups. mani things infact. lyk wad happened to mi. sighs. i sometyms vent my anger on him. took him for granted. treat him cold. and everything. i guess he shouting at mi is nothing compared to his tolerance lorhs. y cant i be lyk other ppl.. see them so loving and all. actually i realli duno y i cry. but i jus started crying and crying. and think all this things. i guess i am suffering from depression. i nid to go to IMH. LOLs.

CO TML!!! omg. i am so freaking scared. u knoe, i had a dream jus now. wah lau. damn paiseh lorhs please. it's not tat i spoke in muah dreams or wadever. jus tat hors. ok. tat bunny said tat if tml we big grp CO cannot make it, friday we hafta go bak. so, all those teachers were there. den my tcher. i mean the zhongruan one. not the guzhen one. she ask if i will play wrongly. i said yea. den she say u better not play wrongly. i will be looking at u. wtf`. den hor. i was setting up my gu zhen alone. sort lyk no one help mi larhs. so, i was slow. den when they start le, i haven even put on my finger nails!! omg. i am soooo scared. den i didnt play. wah laus. soooo freaking scared. and everybody look at mi. sort of paiseh oso. den i woke up. lols. it's a stupid dream actually. i dreamt alort. so to say.

i onli had chicken rice yesterday. and i survived until now. later duno got appetite to eat or not. i realli dun eat much this few days lorhs.

and hors. erm. i meet emily go concert yesterday. she slim abit le. and erms. see her keep pushing her ears oso abit xin sui. lyk so pain lorhs. den cannot enjoy everything. and i still keep toking to her, sighs.

will you be there whenever I needed you?

wad a saturday and i'm home. stupid idiot go out with his frd and 2 girls. oh yea. he can make it out with tat girl. bye JERK. haf a nice time. yawns.. LOLs

Wen a guy reali falls in love and becomes faithful to his beloved, his change in his character will reali shock every1 around him.. His egoist heart will uncompromisingly softens when he willingly gives his heart to the lady he falls in love with.. furthermore he'll be willing to sacrifice everythin and do anythin fer his loved one.. No matter how egoist he may be, tears will fall from his cheeks
wen his heart's broken.. It's not easy to see guys who would truly cry fer their loved ones...~20 signs to recognise the strong love a guy holds fer his beloved..

1. he willingly do anythin n everythin fer his beloved.. with sincerity not coercion

2. he constantly wans to humour his beloved and tends to be more talkative

3. he tends to advise his beloved more as he truly loves her and wans her to be a better person

4.he tries to restrict her freedom due to his overwhelmin jealousy
5. he constantly fears losin his beloved

6. he always monitors his beloved's movements as he feels insecure

7. he hates e idea of other guys bein close to his beloved

8. he becomes jealous and sensitive wen his beloved pays less attention to him

9. he becomes the most hardworking person n help his beloved to do anythin n everythin

10. he becomes restless wen his beloved's away fer too long

11. he cares fer his beloved more than he does himself

12. he constantly asks if his beloved loves him as he feels his love is greater than his beloved's

13. he would not be bothered wif other gals who dun hold any importance to him

14. he will try to spend a lot of time wif his beloved even tho he noes he'll end up waitin fer his beloved

15. he praises his beloved in front of others

16. if his beloved leaves him, he cant trust any other gal n wishes fer his beloved to come back to him

17. wen ther is a third party, he loses his mind and is willing to do anythin to fight fer his beloved

18. he makes sure he ensures her safety at all times

19. he is lyk a small kid who fights fer constant attention from his beloved

20. he treats his beloved as his most trusted one and willing to sacrifice all of his wealth and even his life fer her

~it's not easy to find guys who would shed their tears jus fer gals.. so pls treasure them....~
-------------------------------END--------------------------------------------

LOLs. some are bold. onli i knoe y. i purposely did tat. HAHA

ok, yea. i'm back. yesterday went to my grandma hse. ok lorhs. nothing much. wanted to stay there.cos i stay there until late lazy to go home. haha. lazy me. hmms. later going out. sure weird again. no matter how hard its still gonna be weird yesterday tok to him. hmm. it's still weird. but i tried to tok to him nicely. duno lehs. but inside mi i feel realli weird. yesterday he tok abt something. den i switch topic. oh yea. so now he know how i felt when i am talking den he suddenly change topic. i am now using seviet to wipe my mucus. is this how u spell seviet? it's the kitchen tissue for draining oil. cos my hse no more tissue. lols. i am so lame. aniwae, i go off le. duno wad to type le.

i duno if u felt mi trying to change my attitude towards u. altho memory still floats around, i hope u'll always be around to help mi.

haiz. not going out. i duno y i suddenly jus cry. haiz. nvm ba. i dun think u'll be seeing this message oso. bye.

there's something so wrong with mi lately. i woke up at 9! and i slept at 2+. how great. i am a crazy fella. yea. i'm so back again. i'm kinda bored.i'm so cold. caught a flu. brrr. how am i gonna survive in the bath later? oh boy... =\ i'm gonna freeze to death.

loaded christmas with the kranks and jus finished watching it. it's great. it's veri erm.... chrismatic. haha. which means realli show christmas lorhs. haha. interesting. loaded the notebook too. am gonna watch it later. confirm will cry. too touching. haha. it's realli a touching movie. ok. i dun think i'm loading animore. incase i get caught. HEY,WHO DOESNT! hahahaha. tml no CO. great! lols. i veri scaredof the exchange with swiss cottage. sighs sighs.

hmwk hmwk... onli done with chemistry. fri with chi. sunday with phy i guess. am gonna finish it rather soon. i hope. aniwae, geog's tcher changin! i hope i dun get daphne chong. it's HELL! her papers are difficult and not even half my class pass. holy cow. aniwae, i think i'm gonna get a new hp casing. my casing's keypad's word is dropping off. hahaha. aniwae, i duno wad to type liao. hahahah

going out and meet him later. sighs. i duno lehs. going to his hse somemore. i sure feel awkward. yesterday tok to him awhile. he say he wanna slp. den jus hang up le. sighs. it's rather diff from b4. haiz. maybe he IS realli tired. sighs. doesnt he think of all this too? maybe girl's are more softhearted. but shouldnt they care the way we did as well? sighs. still say they care. YA! lyk as if. zzz. =.=" hehe. aint bothering animore le larhs. he do wad he should. i do wad i should.

yea baby yea~ l0ls. crazeeee me. duno lehs. my mood when i'm typing and my mood now is lyk so diff. sighs. duno duno. hungry. find food eat. bye!

it's 12:46AM and i can get to slp. i am so wide awake. sighs... too mani things in my head. i am veri veri cold. sighs. stupid weather. =\ y cant they make it snow. lols. ok, i knoe it sounds stupid. TELL ME SO. lols. =
met dear. sighs. he say the feeling is diff le. but i duno. he say i wander off myself. i knoe. hmm. den y u nvr hold me? =\ the way u hold mi is jus slipping ur fingers between mine. seems so lazy. sighs. nvm. forget it. =\ jus sms him to see if he is sleeping. but i guess he is...

walked ard. lookin for presents. yea. i nid ard................ $30. AT LEAST. to cover up my xmas prezzie. sighs. money money money. went to far east to find oneh they all. hmms. i bought onli gingerbread woman. haha. not enough money. it's veri nice. not too sweet lyk some stupid shop does it. haha. den the mr.Ang hired some entrepeneurs to teach them how to do business. which i think is rather STUPID. den say the tcher i dun lyk. the char bor. forget the name. nahz. y mus i even remember her name men! l0ls.

sighs. i think i knoe the reason of my loose of slp. problems...... i mean, wad i meant was. u dun even knoe wad u can do to make mi trust u. how u wan mi to trust u? i am trying to. very hard. i oso felt abit diff actually. abt the places to go. i wan. u dun wan. den forget it. i mean, no point i wan to go den u later ask mi to hurry. lyk when i was looking at the cookery book. it's so cute. and u said kuai dian. !!!!! how am i suppose to react? =\ sighs. i think i shouldnt haf opened my big mouth. i shouldnt have been so petty abt u being late. sorry.

woo. i haf edited my blog. haha. aniwae, i couldnt log on to ebloggy so i decided to change server. cos someone say tat blog of mine got virus. oh well, nevermind. hmms. so full now. ate noodles. i ate one bite of the egg and i feel lyk vomitting. i duno y. i jus dun seem to eat this few days. i mean i dun eat too much. maybe it's good. haha.

right now, my tamagotchi is mating. oh boy! gave birth to girl.=\ break my record. it has been boy for the past few generations. hmm, nvm ba.

haha. my eyes veri pain. duno why. right eye. den when tears fall hor. my left eyes is normal. but my right eye doesnt seem to realli shed tears. it will accumulate to a ball of tears and stay there. nvr roll down. maybe cry too much this week. haha. duno larhs.

hmms. relationship has been falling. chances and chances and chances. which of it is the last? when can i ever trust this relationship again? i duno. tok to him yesterday lyk some stranger. he doesnt seem lyk he wanna tok to mi. it jus seem so. i aint sure. he can name onli 2 promises. nvm ba. but all those promises were lyk the ones i told him. nvm ba. girls are always more chi qin. todae gonna be lonely. not meeting him. altho realli wan to. how i wish he jus pop up. u knoe? surprises... nahz. *stop dreaming* tats no reality. sometyms i realli somehow or rather hope he appears infront of mi everytym we quarrel. but it doesnt seem so. jus lyk appears infront of mi without mi knowing. i'd be glad. but again, it's not reality. i've realli been day dreaming alort lately. hmms. its time i face reality yea. but reality is always cruel. sighs. y y y. y am i so stuck. alortsa quarrels this and last months. maybe it's due to my naiveness and my immaturity. ok, wad's the diff? hmmz. maybe i dun think well. i am still in a childish world of mine which i need time to get out of. can he even prove to mi tat the choice of mine of accepting him again is the right choice? sighs. i dun wan ani bear or ani books from him. they arent important to mi animore. can i even trust him again? haiz. wad can he do to make mi trust him? i always think that there's a third party. maybe i am too sensitive. sighs. perhaps it's not maybe. i AM sensitive. sighs. i jus wan assurance. but i dun think i will be assured. i think i will still anihow think. arhs.. wadever. haiz. when can i smile delightfully.. not the physical smile. but the emotional smile. sighs. bragging rubbish again. nvm ba. i feel lyk going out on my own todae. but no one go with mi. sighs.

Emily jus had her operation yesterday. thank god its a success. or else i would be alone. i think i will treat her to ice cream since the onli thing she can eat is ice cream. hehe. buy strawberry one. haha. it's sweet!

hmms. YAWNS. i even wonder if anione would actually read this blog of mine and actually tag along. hmms. i wish they would. or else the cbox there is for shit. LOLs. going off. bye.

i know the one i love is u. i knoe the one i need is u. but, can u show mi the light once again? will u hold my hands and say u love mi jus lyk before?

testing testing. LOLs. ew here. bye!