disintegrate

rate

well, 2008 is coming soon!!! but i am gonna sleep soon. damn tired.

would hereby wish one and all a happy 2008! recap of 2007 and 2008 resolutions to come soon...

am gonna go back to work to do up some stuffs.

clear the shelf that contains TONS of recycled materials
do up bday chart
do up cubby hole
lay carpet
set up mini home corner in class
spring clean

which reminds me, i have to bring this few docs along with me

name list w/ chi and eng name
bday charts
name charts

still must add in few new names.

sighs. now i know how it feels to start a brand new yr.

nonetheless, happy new yr in advance!

wow. it's been like 3yrs and 16 days since i first blogged!!! and this is my 605th post.

haha. never would i knew that I've actually blogged for so long. at least not till i saw my archives. :)

was reading some of the post and came across this sentence

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have."

how true?

am gonna go Spain and Hong Kong next year. maybe dropping the latter. but am pretty much confirmed that i am going to Spain!! to meet him. :)

Here Comes Santa Clause
By: Gene Autry and Oakley Haldeman

Here comes Santa Claus!
Here comes Santa Claus!
Right down Santa Claus Lane!
Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer
are pulling on the reins.
Bells are ringing, children singing;
All is merry and bright.
Hang your stockings and say your prayers,
'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight.

Here comes Santa Claus!
Here comes Santa Claus!
Right down Santa Claus Lane!
He's got a bag that is filled with toys
for the boys and girls again.
Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle,
What a beautiful sight.
Jump in bed, cover up your head,
'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight.

forgot to add that i dreamt something pretty suay last night. dreamt that my boss give me a letter to sort of "dismiss" me and also dreamt that someone died. and i went to attend a funeral. suddenly attend a party and we were decorating the school. scary!

well well. i am back. here. blogging. lol!

tomorrow i wont have to work. is that good news or what? there's xmas eve, new yr eve and CNY eve. out of the 3, we have to rotate our shifts and take 2. and i got the 2 latter eves. which i find it has not much difference. still have to work. but still!!! XMAS EVE CAN TAKE A BREAK! SUPER LONG HOLS! :D

okays. y'day, went out to little india with Ena. surprisingly end up at little india. haha. cos i wasnt able to go for class on Fri and she submit my work on my behalf. so treat her to what else but indian food. it was so damn yummy!!! *slurp* but end up having the tumeric stench and colour on our fingers. damn funny. cos we wave our hands, the smell comes on. *poof* haha. wonder how to remove the smell and colour. looks totally like curry lady finger. haha!

afterwhich, it RAINED! damn. was walking around trying to get a brolly. but!!!!! it stopped after we walked so damn far. LOL. so we made our way to Mustaffa. went to check out the stuffs they had there. bought shampoo and some food. regret not bringing my big bag along. cos so malu to take the plastic bag up and down.

after we finish with window shopping, we WALKED to bugis. ben xiao jie walking. lols. i havent walk for like so damn long and so damn far for pretty long. imagine from little india to mustaffa to bugis. and we walked the whole of Parco and finally settle down for dinner at MOS burger. ate, drank, gossip, talked. took a cab home. lol. yes. knowing me, 10+pm sure take cab. lol. surprisingly the cab fare not very high. about $16. or is it high? lol. dont know.

i still have like 1 art lesson plan and 1 art grp assignment to go. *faints. better finish up soon. need to clear the xmas gifts that my colleague and kids got me. as well as change mattress cover. christmas in 2 days time!!!!!!!! :)

a surprise? after xmas? why not tell me it's next yr? i don't fancy any surprise. just be with me.

let me show you a Xmas greeting. i swear you will drop dead looking at it (at least i almost did). it's my favourite strawberry shortcake~!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to one and all.

thanks but i am fine. :)

feels good to receive tons of presents! makes Christmas all the more special. :)

oh yes. i am a bad daughter. cos you said so. if i had the fucking money, you think i wont move out? and i am so ever thankful that i work and study till so damn late now cos i don't have to see you. if there is ever a day, i will not stay home alone with you. trust me. cos i only know how to eat and sleep. so you say.

and so, now you regret forking the money for me to study? hell yes. if i have the money, i'll throw the whole stack of money at your face. dont you think that its your duty to feed me? like hello, i was only 16 then. so if i am a bad daughter, why eat the food i bought? why would i even bother working at a tender young age?

for your information, i dont earn fucking much. i bring home nto only a thousand dollars. i still have my insurance to pay for. which takes up 1/5 of my pay. i give you and mum money too. so, WTF is it that you want from me?

i don't know how to think and other ppl says that you are a good father. tell me, how many times do you tell those young puns out there what you did when i was young? whacking the hell out of me and my sisters. shouting and screaming at us like my mum and my sis and me owes you our fucking lives. dont you think its time to show us a little love?

i don't fucking like to wash dirty linen in public but i decided. enough is enough.

so if you think i am bad, so be it. i was never good. i worked at such a young age for MY own good. i go home late at night cos i was ENJOYING life. hell yes. i only think about myself. i dont think about you. satisfied with my answer now? are you happy now?

i wish that you fucking read this. to know how fucking bad a daughter i am.

all the time that i prayed for you was wasted. its just for my own good.
all the time i work and study so that i dont waste more of your money was wasted. was only for my own good.
all the time i came home late was cos i was working and studying. do you know?
you dont even know where i work and i bet you might not know i am studying at the same time.
here i am at home, wasting your resources. trust me. i will MOVE OUT SOON.

been a long time since i cried and type a post. and so, this post is for you; the one who said i was a bad daughter.

I don't get any news from you and when i do, it's about something bad. so, just how important am i to you? you said i am torturing you and you're taking the initiative to talk to me even though you're hurt at the mouth. but you told me to call you! and you said if you don't, I'll be screaming at the other end. ME again huh... RAH!!!!!!!!

somehow, i also understand the feeling of not talking although we're at the other end of the line. i mean, it's not the talking that matters. just an affirmation to know that the other party is on the other line. you still feel the love and everything. hurt to the bits. serious.

Christmas is around the corner and i think i haven't really finish my shopping... don't know if the supper gang coming over for Christmas.. been ages since i last saw them. ha~

am not working on Christmas eve so, i would have a super long holiday. however, working on both the new yr and Chinese new yr eve. oh wells... beats better than working all 3 eves right? *look on the bright side*

work has been seriously stressful and I can feel the tension at work yesterday was super dee duper high.. everyone was pretty stressful at the end of the day and we're literally screaming our heads off at our kids. i mean, i am also one of those. it's just so stressful.. new yr resolution... BE PATIENT!

okays. i need to go research on my assignment now. tomorrow due date and i need to do it be today cos i am skipping class tomorrow. to go church for confession. i am such a good girl. :)

i wish i am running a fever so i can get MC.... :(

been so busy lately that i dont even have enough time to sleep!!!!!!!!!

death.

it comes to us naturally. and i admit that i am thinking about it almost every other time. in my whole life, i do not wish to be robbed, raped, cheated or anything along that line to happen to me. particularly, i am afraid of death. i mean, it comes naturally, yes. everyone expects it, yes. but i am very afraid of experiencing it. i mean, i'd probably be dead to feel death. but i am afraid if it happens to someone close to me. my grandparents, my parents, friends. i am really very scared... perhaps i think too much. but still, i am scared... :(

i just came back from a funeral service of my supervisor's dad. something happened there which i felt very sad about. i mean, i don't wish to state it here as they say, don't wash dirty laundry in public and i totally respect it. why wait till someone is gone then you talk about those things? i mean, shouldn't you be doing it when that person is alive? come on... i mean, people normally don't cherish things till it's gone and i totally agree with it. why wait till someone is gone then you come and make up stories? i always think that i can only see drama in dramas. never did i expect it happens in real life.

i am gonna be more patient to my father. i really love him. of course i do... but sometimes its just that i don't show it and i get pretty irritated with him... i better treat my parents to a meal if i ever do get a pay rise..

am very emotional this week. don't know why. ULTRA SENSITIVE too.

group presentation today... i gotta be honest here. i mean, honesty is the best policy ain't it? i can feel like they are pissed with me cos perhaps i always do last minute work? but sometimes i just can't help it. i really can't. i mean, everyone is tired, everyone has their own things to do... perhaps i am super sensitive this few days. i sincerely apologise.

questions being post out and answered. i personally wanna answer it. but perhaps i thought its better for me to keep quiet. perhaps they'd think "oh yea. bullshit. she's just trying to act" whatever it is, i don't really mind anymore... perhaps i am wrong about their thinking. but its just how i feel about the whole group thing. bahhh. not everyone is like how i think they are... on a positive note that is...

and to you, Bala, do not blame me for posting your name. i am not your spare and neither will i be. stop fooling me time and again with your empty words. you can blabber about how great god is. be honest to yourself. do you really practice what you preach? up to you to ignore and everything. now i don't really care anymore. i think i was right about you from that day. right about you in your negative ways.

i think it's enough. will start again tomorrow. good night.

i don't fucking owe you ALL anything la.

Fuck.