disintegrate

rate

death.

it comes to us naturally. and i admit that i am thinking about it almost every other time. in my whole life, i do not wish to be robbed, raped, cheated or anything along that line to happen to me. particularly, i am afraid of death. i mean, it comes naturally, yes. everyone expects it, yes. but i am very afraid of experiencing it. i mean, i'd probably be dead to feel death. but i am afraid if it happens to someone close to me. my grandparents, my parents, friends. i am really very scared... perhaps i think too much. but still, i am scared... :(

i just came back from a funeral service of my supervisor's dad. something happened there which i felt very sad about. i mean, i don't wish to state it here as they say, don't wash dirty laundry in public and i totally respect it. why wait till someone is gone then you talk about those things? i mean, shouldn't you be doing it when that person is alive? come on... i mean, people normally don't cherish things till it's gone and i totally agree with it. why wait till someone is gone then you come and make up stories? i always think that i can only see drama in dramas. never did i expect it happens in real life.

i am gonna be more patient to my father. i really love him. of course i do... but sometimes its just that i don't show it and i get pretty irritated with him... i better treat my parents to a meal if i ever do get a pay rise..

am very emotional this week. don't know why. ULTRA SENSITIVE too.

group presentation today... i gotta be honest here. i mean, honesty is the best policy ain't it? i can feel like they are pissed with me cos perhaps i always do last minute work? but sometimes i just can't help it. i really can't. i mean, everyone is tired, everyone has their own things to do... perhaps i am super sensitive this few days. i sincerely apologise.

questions being post out and answered. i personally wanna answer it. but perhaps i thought its better for me to keep quiet. perhaps they'd think "oh yea. bullshit. she's just trying to act" whatever it is, i don't really mind anymore... perhaps i am wrong about their thinking. but its just how i feel about the whole group thing. bahhh. not everyone is like how i think they are... on a positive note that is...

and to you, Bala, do not blame me for posting your name. i am not your spare and neither will i be. stop fooling me time and again with your empty words. you can blabber about how great god is. be honest to yourself. do you really practice what you preach? up to you to ignore and everything. now i don't really care anymore. i think i was right about you from that day. right about you in your negative ways.

i think it's enough. will start again tomorrow. good night.