disintegrate

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it's been 3 days since i last blogged... sighs. alortsa things happen. i dunno if it's still like the past.. comforting words are neither seen nor heard. except from maybe 1 or 2.. this is wad happened...

26 December
went to church as usual. wanted to meet dear early in the morning. as he had a performance for TKD. so i was pretty prepared until he missed called mi to call him bak. so he said his instructor ask him to be there early to help out. yeps. i was lyk ok.. fine. den i shall meet him in the afternoon. and so i did. den while i was there. he asked mi to go to the room. inside alortsa ppl i am not firmiliar with. so being myself. i didnt wanna go in. so i stayed out. dear went in and out and all. so he said he hafta do something. so i went down and all. i sat there. playing monopoly on my phone. so i saw him looking ard looking for mi. perhaps my area alortsa ppl seating down. tats y he couldnt see mi. den i saw him and those girls there lyk talk until woahs. close~ so i was lyk nvm lorhs. den his momma called. den i went home with her and his papa. den i was at his hse. waiting for him to come home. den we went out. to esplanade there. den cos he has to go to his frd's bdae party but he didnt wan to so made a lie tat he is still at the performance. yea. den erms. saw a message.. his god sis. they were realli realli close. i duno. but perhaps i'm being too jealous and all. i went away. it read tat if she had to leave some food for him. ok.. so i duno if he's meeting her after tat and all. cos he does things sometyms without mi knowing. so i was lyk fine. so i sat there so quiet. he said she sent to the wrong person. ok. i was trying to swallow the fact and all. den he kept shouting and shouting after talking nicely to mi while i was still trying to swallow. den we're lyk strangers. he didnt talk to mi while going home and all. i was so cold and sneezing away. he did nothing. when my bus was here. he asked mi to call him when i got home. i didnt reply. i went and sit on the stone chair instead. my bus came. i refuse to go home. he grab mi. it was lyk sooo pain. den fine. i went to the bus. sms-ed and everything. wanted to brk up. so i ask him hu he treat mi as. he says gf. ok den. so i tot it was ok. so it leads to the next day.

27 December
he didnt sms mi and everything. i told him i finishing at 2. he didnt reply. i asked if he was angry. he didnt reply. so i missed call him. he missed call mi back and ask y or something.. den i reply and all. while i was walking out of sch. he sms and ask if we should continue.. i said yes.. he said he didnt wan to.. all the way... i kept saying please and begged him.. i duno y i did tat. i felt lyk a bitch.. trying to hold on to him lyk si chan lan da.. yea. i called him when i reach home. was crying and crying lyk shit. den my eyes was lyk so pain.. so i went to slp. he sms mi. den i woke up. i was thinking to not bother him anymore and should initiate the brk up. and everything was ok. he said he wanna take back all the things he said.. i was veri shocked. i cried yet once again. i told him the impact of wad he said is veri strong. i dunno wad to do.. but everything was back to normal. i was glad for anithing.

28 december
met dear. sighs. alortsa things i wanna tell him. but i couldnt. i duno how to tell him.. sighs. den he went and find job. den she sms again. tell him how du lan she wa.s i duno wad it was larhs. jus lyk kor.. i very du lan. i was veri lyk so jealous. yet again. everytime i meet him den she will sure sms. normal days wouldnt it be the same? he said it was nothing.. haiz. i realli feel lyk taking his phone and reply something to her u knoe.. but i couldnt.. sighs.. i cried on the way home. sighs. he wun read my blog i guess. so the more he wouldnt knoe. altho i want him to knoe.. sighs. he going for interview todae. so if they ask if when he can do his work. he will say he can start todae. sighs. i veri worried tat it would be the last day i would see him yesterday. work is more important.. i cannot say anithing.. even if he works 6 days.. he would be too tired to meet mi tat one day.. sighs..

i dun wanna cry animore..