disintegrate

rate

yes. i know mani ppl know tat i broke up now. its actually not taking a big part of mi.. but when it comes to the night, everything is different. i cry and still think of him. i miss him alot. sometimes when reading a book, i will think of him. when i pray in the night, i pray tat he'd be safe and i'd wonder my tots to him. i've even dreamt of him. dream of wad we'd be doing like how we use to. like on the bus. i would lie on his shoulder and sleep and cling on to his hand. little little things tat makes mi feel loved. after 5 days... i know i am still holding on. i sms-ed him things like "do u think i am stupid for holding on" and "do u realli have no feelings for mi" this sms-es arent replied at all. but some general stuff, it is. i'd like to sms him and tell him things tat happened and still call him dear like i used to. but i couldnt. i wanna sms him alot of things. but in the end its not sent. i wanna send him an email telling him everything. but i knwo he wun read it. i know, he wun read my blog. perhaps he will. but i dun know and i wun know. i realli realli miss him alot. i tot i could hide from my family the fact tat we broke up. but no, they know about it alr. and my sis actually scolded mi. i tried not to show them tat i am sad. but somehow, i know they sense the sadness in mi. his msn nick changed when i was online yday. and i talked to him. he ignored mi. changed his status to busy. and went offline. i went to friendster to see his profile out of curiosity. i still see our photo together and his status is not single. i am veri grateful. truly am.

this few days keep on shuffling to and fro KK hospital cos my mum is there. am super tired. but i hope it realli kills my time. i hope sch start soon. so i can get myself busy and not be bothered by my heart broken fact. i want CO alumni to start soon to take up my time. sighs. ok. tmr meeting yk, stef and derek for IT fair. i hope i realli take up all my time. i nid to go now. sayonara~

to MELISSA: hey honey, if u r reading, thanks alot. love u loads. i am also in a one sided love now. i am also holding on. i duno wad it would be in the end. but u know one thing is for sure. u know tat ur feelings wun change. not for now. but i guess i realli hafta learn to let go slowly. step by step. bit by bit. jia you ok? u know i am always here for u. fall and pick urself up. wun forget this phrase. thanks loads!

dear

if u r reading, i'd like to tell u tat i realli love u. i'll wait until u finish ur exams. but i hope it is good news i hear. i will nvr forget wad u tell mi in the pool. and i hope it would be true. right now, i jus ask for a chance. a chance to be with u again. be it a day, or an hr, or anithing. i'd treasure it. there's no one like you. love u loads. ur competition is coming, i hope u dun tire urself out. and!!!!! exams soon also. do study hard. i am not there to disturb u and be a hindrance to u animore. i hope u realli put all ur concentration on ur studies. do take care of urself. drink loadsa water and rest more. i know mani things are bound to happen this few weeks we r apart. but i hope u keep tat little feeling in u and keep our love going. altho it's little, but i know everything is gonna be alrite. maybe u wun return to mi animore. and i would be lost. wadever it is, i hope u make decisions wisely. make a decision tat u think is right. love u.