disintegrate

rate

yeps. 2004's gone. i wanna do a sum up on it. ((:beginning of 2004, a new yr. new environment. new classmates. new subjects. new people. new teacher. i dun lyk the people in my class, to be honest. some of them, it was tat kinda physical-based judged result. everything seems to rush by so fast. catching up with subjects in sec 3 isnt as easy as it is for sec 1 & 2. everything seems so maxed up and being newly introduced to those stuff, it kinda seems stranger to you though. first quater of the yr, i haven known myself. i try to get things done to get things passed half way. i nvr did my best in everything. a quater has gone.

the next quater was pretty hetic. frds coming in and out of ur life. nvr had permanent ones. except for Abigail ((: . conflicts. backstabs. betrays. hypocrite. all was there. all in 3 months. it was pretty much a headache. a state where u duno hu to believe. hu to trust. it often leave mi with loadsa thinking. isst my fault? guys come and go during the past 6 months. but someone i can remember is haikuan AKA sianboy. i think onli Emily will know ba. he was pretty sweet. he's tall too! but my stupidity took over mi and he was never mine again. nvr see him or heard about him. i wish him all the best.

a start of the next half. nothing much changed. except tat the SOMEONE hu betrays was trying to get even more hardcore. and i knew someone new. my darling. he was pretty sweet too. but it nvr last long. my birthday drew near. and i tot someone wouldnt gave me present. she did. yeps. she even treated mi lunch. i was realli happy. is it tat she have realised? or is it tat i have known hu is better? or isst tat the SOMEONE isnt there to spoil us animore? a few weeks later. mi and her were back close again. as close as ever. yeps. it's Emily. abigail and mi and her was mostly seen around. until Melody came by. she was with abigail most of the time. which made mi and emily the mighty duo. mega concert came by. a great time spent. time pass me fast. it soon came to the last quater of the yr.

i've grown to be thinking more better. the SOMEONE actually backstabs us even more. but not animore is she gonna stand a chance. people finally know her true colour.. everything was cleared. but i guess they still doesnt lyk mi. but! i pondered on this... this SOMEONE is in the popular grp. and people there knowns of her being. y did they still carry on with her. jus then i knew the answer. they were lyk mi! thinking tat she have changed but infact she hasnt. for 3 yrs, we've been duped by her. rolling us around lyk fools. Abigail is soon leaving by then... and she was closer to us due to misunderstandings between her and Melody. yanqin was beginning to draw near to us. but with alortsa changes we see. known better people in CO. yeps. mandy. jing yi and jing si. they were the funny peeps i've seen. i began to work more harder. no more jus passed stuff. i see a improve in my results. abigail left. i was pretty sad. she was the one hu knew wad my probs was. i shared it most with her. i talked to her lyk we've been buddy for a long long time. she was the one hu gave mi encouragement most of the time. but she's gone overseas. i could onli wish her the best. may she strive there. relationships has been turning sour. things happening. trust. love. feelings. jealousy. are we even meant to be? shall i hold on? and and!!! i learnt gu zhen. i'm so happy about it. yeps. did myself proud. but someone is always there to wa ku mi. am i right emily? and got closer to someone whom used to be a frd and to a stranger. hope we're frds again.

i guess this is my life of being a 15 yr old. i guess it has been a fruitful yr. knowing ppl. seeing through people. knowin more people. understanding people. learning things new. i hope the better for this yr. i'm gonna do a thank you list [for onli a few ppl cos i dun haf much frds. also duno will they see or not. hmms...] followed by a reolustion list.

Dear
hmms. i put u first lehs. i good or not. haha. hmms. i jus wanna say tat this 7 months have put us through alot. i realli hope we'll pull it through the end. i noe i am petty and unreasonable sometyms. but i sometyms cant stand wad has happened. jealousy has taken over mi most of the time. but it's every girl's reaction. i may be tolerant of it at first. but i shall not accomodate ani longer. i feel tat u would have known mi long enough to knoe wad i lyk and wad i dun lyk. y do u still oppose mi and do things i dun lyk. make mi angry and all. and u shout at mi. so are u trying to make urself sound so right all the tym? there is always a limit. i dun lyk u to do things behind my back. u either do things infront of mi or u dun do it. i cant stand ur ignorance sometyms. i put no interest to wad i'm talking about. u neither react to wad i'm talking which makes mi sound lyk so dumb! sometyms when i'm talking halfway, u cut through it. i'm talking something serious with u and u talk to me about your game. i feel veri much lyk a fool sometyms. this few days, SHE has been contacting u. i mean, once or twice nvm. but how mani times in a week. would u lyk it if HE sms-es mi everytime too? and i forgot to tell u. on tat fateful monday, he sms-ed mi he was sorry and tat he wouldnt contact mi animore. which is pretty true up to date. when i told u i will sms nastily to her lyk how u did to wilfred, i saw how ur face changed. it seems as though she is veri important u knoe? have u even spare a thought for mi? jus bcos u're in the fit of anger, u can get everything done ur way. wad if u regret? will u even regret at first? u couldnt promise tat u'd lie to mi again. wad is it telling mi? nonetheless, i still wanna thank u for tolerating my childishness. u said tat i nvr told u anithing. here am i. i told u everything. i hope u're able to take the truth. and i can say tat things i said here are some things i brought up to u before. love ya. muacks.

Emily
heys. hmm. this yr has been alort for us too, tat pig trying to spoil us all. thanks for being there for mi everytime. thanks for those laughter when i'm down. i knoe u're also tolerating my nonsense sometyms. sorry yeps. i hope we'll be even better in tym to come. sharing our joy and pain. we shall work hard for SYF and for the O's ok? we shall keep in touch even after our sec 4. love u heaps. -hugs. *muackies.

Abigail
hello! i miss u alorts. i dun think u'd be getting to see this getting to seeu online is pretty difficult! haha. aniwae, i wanna thank u for listening to my problems and helping mi with my sch work. and of cos. laughing with mi all the way during CO. all those sharing we did, i truely cherish. all the times we had, i will remember. miss u alort alort. -hugs & kisses

Audrey
hey! nvr tag my board liao le.. actually this one oso for keline one. about the mega thing. haha. still remember right? haha. =X aniwae, dun keep things to urself yeps. it;s not very good. and talk more. dun be so quiet. haf more confidence in urself ya. dun always look down on urself. see ya in sch. and erm. work hard for the CO audition. ((:

Yanqin
heys. i've seen u changed alort. but i hope the changes are good for u. do work hard and dun skate too much ah. maybe after ur N and ur O u can get a job there. den u can oso make money at the same time. haha. wish u all the best. study hard. dun play too hard arhs. ((:

Jingyi + Mandy + Jingsi
heys. i dun think ani of u is gonna see this cos i got none of ur contacts! haha. nonetheless, i wanna say thank u for bringing laughter to mi during CO. ((:

Michelle
hey darling. ((: i hope everything turns out well for u too. dun bother about those ppl yeps. they'll onli make u sad. think of mi! u'lll be happy. haha. hope to see u soon. one day we mus go out together with emily and fel to rock the whole place down yeps! haha. and hor. u go Taiwan got buy things for mi or not.. hahaha. miss ya! -muacks

Candice
hey mei! haha. how can i forget u. u've been there always talking to mi and making my time online bright. u haf always cheer mi up with all the jokes and all. and sometyms our jokes are so silly. haha. yea. hmms. thanks for listening to my probs too. although sometyms i knoe u can do nothing to it, listening would be jus fine. this yr u're in double sci lehs. do workhard okaes. dun get so corrupted yarhs. miss ya. -kiss

Classmates
i knoe neither of u will see this. haha. except some? haha. wanna thank u all for those nice time in class. tml sch open le. i knoe alort of u all haven do work. mi oso lah. haha! take care all. let's work hard for all the big and small exams and make no teacher look down on 4E3!!!

Schoolmates
this is to the others i didnt mention. thanks for all those smiles i see when i pass by u all. it cheers mi up. smile is contagious. let's work hard and make the sch value added once again. let's hope for no more donations. haha! ((:

Resolution:
slim down
study hard
less time for computer and online
find a job after O levels
more better with dear
work hard for the gu zhen

i think tats all. till then. see ya folks! need to go church. i am so mighty late!!!