ok. i am back.. lets review wad i did since monday. hohoho

monday:
went for DNT forum for the award. hohoho. got $120 voucher. wahahaha~! am gonna spend it on thursday.er. den cos its ard my sis area. so i went to meet her for lunch. den later slack at hougang mall. den i dun feel like going to sch for orientation. so i didnt go. WAHAHAH! cos i told them i haf the award thingy. but it actually ends at ard 2+. den if pack up?? 3plus. how to go there? hohoho. aniwae, sch next ,monday. so excited. wonder how mani aunties am i gonna have class with. WAHAHAHA! -evil ok. den went to sis's hse. den slack. worse. stay at her hse. hehehe. den early morning 6+ hafta wake up to go home cos she need to work and i dun wanna stay there myself.

Tuesday:
came home at abt 8am den slp slp slp slp slp until 11. den i actually wanna visit my mum isn the hospital. but my father going with his frds and car no more seats for mi. =( so i didnt go. yea. den online doing nothing.. maple awhile. den at abt 1, calvin ask if i'd like to go watch movie. being nice and BORED, i agreed. den met up wif yanzheng haresh and calvin. den went to return books, calvin went to eat. bla bla bla. AND!!! something happened. i honestly didnt know they wanna watch date movie la. cos i watched b4 alr. if i had known, i'd rather not go out right? waste my money also. den we reach the cinema. haresh abit humji la. didnt dare to watch "THE DORM". yea. he wanted to watch date movie. so we decided tat haresh and calvin played pool cos the stand for date movie and the dorm was 2:2. as in haresh and yanzheng for date movie and mi and calvin for the dorm. so the winner decides la. den in the end calvin won den he still didnt wanna watch the dorm la. si bei humji can. OMG! den he keep blaming mi tat if i hadnt watched, they would have decided on date movie and saved the money on pool. den he said something like they seperate treat mi. cos i watched b4. den calvin owes mi a treat. den he twist until calvin owe me. but hello!! u were the one who lost and didnt want to mark ur words. and u hafta pay more cos u lost. remember? sort out the things u said b4 u actually pass comments. i dun think its my fault cos 1) i wasnt informed tat u wanna watch date movie. 2) bcos of mi u all made a decision to play pool. ok. so u lost. and u didnt mark wad u said. so?? conclusion??? -wadever. den play online games. at night talked to calvin cos of some STUFFs. actually there is nth to be pissed wif. but i jus feel pissed. i duno for wad. aiyaa. duno la. next tym i dun think i wanna go out wif ***************************. and if *************************** ask mi to, i will ask some other ppl along. yes. and i might not ask ************************** to go out alr. hehehe. aniwae, sch is starting for mi. dun even know if got the chance to go out. hehe.

Today:
Am going to hospital later and meet calvin late in the night for supper.

now, for my thoughts. its going to be jumbled. but bear with it. (:

shall start wif questions ppl ask mi. jus a few:
1) y dun u go and look for him?
2) jus let go. he is not worth it. forget him.
3)u r still young. can find new one.

ok. there it is. i shall now analyse. (:
1) he is already ignoring mi. so even if I go find him, how would he feel? How would I appear to him? I know, for love, u mus go all out. But hell! He is alr ignoring mi for pete’s sake and yea. I think he’ll also ignore mi for sure even if I looked for him. And furthermore, I’ve already told him tat I’ll try to leave him alone until he finishes his exams. So if I bother him, It might get irritating and all. So, y bother myself and make both of us feel awkward? I really really wanna go look for him. But, I’d rather not. Jus leave him alone in peace to think about everything. Although I sms him on and off everyday, I jus wanna update him and everything. And somethings I cant sort out, I really wanna know the truth. But. Its not answered. I will jus analyse in my own way but it doesn’t mean I am typing for him also. Cos, this is totally MY analyse and I duno abt him cos he didn’t tell mi anything
2) I think I swear tat I am gonna squeeze the coconut out of the next ass who ask mi this question. HELL! Let go? How much I actually sacrifice and jus let go like tat? No way. I cant forget in a wink. I nid time. I mean, I am a lady. I’d definitely need more time to learn right. And this is the first heartbrking thing tat really broke thru mi. am I suppose to treat it like nothing?? And he is not worth it? If he’s not worth, I would not have been with him for a pretty long time right? And I dun think its wasting of time. I told winson once tat I take this as a investment. Not wasting anything.
3) Yes. I know I am still young. But wow! Am I suppose to let go jus like tat? I might be made an old spinster. And u wouldn’t know. Yes. I know I think too far. But hellooooooo??? i haf no comment on this kinda question. I’d jus nod through this kinda questions

Ok. My analyzing done.


Dear,
I haf mani questions for u. but I think I’d find no answers. I wanna know r u able to let go so fast? Have u really loved mi from the start? Is there nothing for u to hold on to anymore? It might be my fault here and there. And I know no point regretting wad I haf done and said. Sorry is the best I can offer u. u haf actually become a part of my life tat u r something like my habit. I duno my feelings for u. but I know I really love u. but its jus tat I dun make it so obvious cos u are actually a part of my everything. And I think bcos of this, I take u for granted. I’m really sorry. This few days while u were ignoring mi, I feel tat its jus normal. Jus like ani other days. Bcos I got used to u and everything alr. So I haf this thinking tat u will still call mi even if u ignored mi the whole day. But, Now, I hafta remind myself tat u r no longer with mi already. And everything is different now. I am still holding on like ani other days. I do everything like ani other days. But without u. I’ve been taking cab almost everywhere I go unless I haf frds wif mi. cos everything reminds mi of u. and being alone, I always got reminded of u. although wif my frds, I’d still be reminded, but they’ll always pull mi back to reality. I take this whole period as a test period. And I am pretty sure tat our love will be pretty strong by then. I hope u wun condemn mi of this chance. I’ll let go bit by bit. Until the day we meet. I duno wad the answer is going to be. But I hope by then, I dun cling on to u as much. I know my love is still going to be there. But I’ll live for the love. If we really really cant make it, I hope memories will stay and I really hope wad u said to mi in the swimming pool the other day will be kept. I love u.

Cant help but tear as I typed this. Its really from the bottom of my heart.