disintegrate

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yes... i duno y. but i'm feeling sooo sad ever since i woke up. i feel so wrong. cried a lil bit. and i mean realli lil. but, i duno y. i think its cos i realli miss u? i duno. i jus felt so empty. so i started crying. i think i'm gonna cry more later when i am alone. sighs! i know ppl might say i am silly and all but, i cant control it u know. its like a in-grown thing and i felt tat its in mi tat i;m feeling like tat. duno wad am i talking about. theres no topic for this entry but i jus type wad i feel like typing. i wanna sms u. but i couldnt. cos i know i'd be rejected. i wanna mail u but i dun think u'd be bothered to read it. if i type it hear, i doubt u'll read it too. so? life is miserable. i remember i asked u once if u wear happier if things were this way. u told mi u had no time to even think about anithing. am i suppose to be happy cos u didnt give mi an answer or am i suppose to be sad cos u didnt give mi an answer? i feel like swinging into bad mood. blame everyone for everything. but no, i cant. i'd be deem as a crazy bitch. i wanna show my anger, my sadness and everything. but i couldnt. i can onli show it when i am alone. i can onli wear a mask and go out. i veri much wanna cry out to someone. but i couldnt. i dun think anione would be bothered to listen. i wanna drink and get drunk. hangover somewhere and not get bothered. but. when i wake up, the problem is still there. altho i get a moment of high-ness, i think its gonna make mi more miserable. somebody, be nice pls. bring mi to drink.

MSN winson the other day. he seems upset tho. i duno wad happened. he doesnt wanna tell mi anything and says he doesnt know it himself too. so, hmm... i duno how to help him. jus wish tat he can go bak to the same old good winson like the one i talked to a few weeks back when i was crying over you. he's one good bro and he scolded mi for crying and everything. cos i asked him to. hahahaha! but hell no, it doesnt seem to get into my head. but i think its cos of his cousin?? or tat girl. but he claimed he let go already? duno la. affairs of the heart. hey bro! cheer up kaes?

nvm. talk about yday.. kinda bored in class. like, DUH! child development... but yesterday was about infant. veri interesting topic. found out mani thing. haha. if u r a mummy and u wanna know more, ASK ME!! haha. no luh. its veri interesting. like, do u know tat when a child is in the womb for the first 2 mths, ur child is a female? it starts developing further as a male or a female after 2 mths. yea. so interesting rite?? den if ur infant sucks the finger or clothings and u disallow them to, they will become a chain smoker next time. interesting rite? yea. den when a child is born, den they have certain actions to stimulate them. and if it doesnt go off within certain mths, they will grow up to be authistic child. so interesting right?? haha!

den at night came back and went to play badminton wif charlyn for like 45min. den rahim came. joined us. farhan came and play. saw some church alter servers there. den 2 more of their frds came den they left. charlyn and mi went to loy kee for dinner. den came home. played maple wif ady until like FOUR IN THE MORNING OK. it was crazy. but i didnt realise the time until we were slacking around. ya. den he died in the game luh. den he said i didnt save him. but its jus tat i cant. den yea. wun go further. he was telling mi about his god sis who has onli $2 per day. den he'd hafta buy top up card for her. den bought a $60 gift for his frd's bdae. like WTH lo. hurhurhur. told him my project in suntec. den he say going to see. den i was like u know which project meh? den he say go find angela can liao. haha. stupid ass. "angela" is not in my birth cert so wun be reflected in ani MOE documents as yet. hahaha. but he's ok i guess. from wad i think luh, he makes a pretty good boyfrd. as in like, he is pretty reasonable and all. i duno how to explain la. but no, i wun like him. lol. jus find him nice and all. i wun fall for him luh. hehehehe.

talking to yangsheng on MSN now. told him i dreamt about mr.Lee scolding us for giving him empty words. haha. mr.Lee is his CO dizhi's tcher. hahahaha! den we were supose to go to his CC to learn. den hmm... eventually, we didnt. hahahaha! he's going to go bak after he settle down. told him to ask mi along too. hahaha! cos i dun wanna go there alone. hehehe. den alumni CO duno when starting. still say concert next yr? bullshits. bahahaha!

hey sis!! i jus read ur blog. WAHAHAHA. your pipa tcher is yujia? WAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! she has a handsome husband. JHAHAHAHA!. i love her hair. JHAHAHAHA. infact, mani ppl in my grp loves her hair! hahahahahaha! *oops. does it realli stick to the head? =X HAHAHA. sorry if i sound mean. HAHAHAHHAHA

hmmm. i think i'm gonna play maple now. cos tv is super boring! ciao ppl.